At what point did you realize it was too much? This last point is especially important. Right now I'm in the process of turning my life around. Marriage is great. That is so great about the surfing! I read books that motivated me. A pessimist basically gives up on life, they have no future vision for themselves; no dreams or goals that give them that internal energy that is required to go out and achieve what they desire. Turning 30 is terrifying. But as a generalization, late 20s/early 30s, does feel different to early and mid 20s. It seemed clear that if I was going to have any chance of getting things together, that I should start by trying to get my brain out of the fog that it was in. So thank you so much for replying! It's still a part of my life, but I managed to partly overcome it through therapy and - most importantly, I think - small steps out of my comfort zone. Keep it up! New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the GetMotivated community. It didn't need to be surfing. Some days I just want to croak. It makes a big difference for me. 2013 was the worst year of my adult life. I always thought my life path would lead to marriage, kids and a solid job by now, but it hasn't. I recently turned 30 and thought I'd share a few of the life lessons I that I wish I knew earlier. ... 20 Inspiring Films To Watch Before You Turn 30… Things are amazing now, I'm living a life I once only dreamed about. And that article on people who became successful after 40 is great! I know people who are pushing 50 to 60 who aren't even close to what you've done. First of all, I think you shouldn't list your degree as a failure but as a success. My job still blows, and a late 20's arrest record has not helped. Now at forty something I've got an awesome job, a beautiful wife, and an interesting story to tell about how everything fell into place over time. I was depressed at around 25, felt around the same way as you, and found a psychologist. Keep looking and you will find one that fits. Anyway, I think for a person (regardless of age) who wants to turn their life around, they need to know who they are and what they truly want in life. At 33, I'm still a virgin and bad at social skills. The past and the future do not exist, only now does. For me it would have been around the 250 mark. And it fucking sucks. I just came across this video on my FB feed and it blew me away, and it is Alan Watts. Although I’ll never say no to an adventure, […] But I think talking with folks who are in fields I am interested in, and getting to know what their lives are like, will go a long way to focusing what I need to do going forward. Last September-November 2017, I failed in 27 interviews before I got a job in other company. I listened to and watched motivational videos on youtube. And I fell off the wagon with my eating program many many times. It's painful to put in all the real numbers and just see how long it will take to fix it, but it's infinite if you don't start somewhere. Friendships are delicate. Quitting is the killer, and it doesn't seem like you've done that at all. Sometimes you can but you don't want to deal with the implications of making it work, that's OK too. Press J to jump to the feed. But I met people WAY more fucked up than me (and you, I reckon) in rehab. You still finished dude!! Do not listen to the mind chatter that says "you're in your late 30's and you haven't ______, we've got to fix this!" My business was struggling, I was working 70 hours a week, skipping payrolls for myself so my employees could get paid, tired, embarrassed, miserable, on a treadmill that seemed to go nowhere, in debt, scared of failure, father of one child, expecting another. Use your "low point" as fuel, and turn the ship around. You already got one job through your personal network, maybe the next one will find you the same way. Be confident, be positive, not only can you do these things, you already are. I’m pretty much aware of what you are going through and what you really want to change. I also need to start thinking about what the next phase of my career is. Carolyn Cowan on Youtube is really good for this. Mine is a work in progress. It sounds like you landed a job below your pay grade. Stay focused on paying your bills/debt and your job(getting a new one, maintaining and moving up, etc.). Consciously think about changing your small daily habits to change the big ones. It sounds like bullshit generic advice, but reframing and talking out their concerns (seriously, graduating in 5 years is still amazing) helped them move on and realise the good things they took out of it and not to catastrophise. This month, my goal is to save $100 and not use my credit card at all. At 32 my wife sat me down and demanded we split the finances 50/50. This is a bit rant-y, but I figured I would take some minutes and share my thoughts. Like I'm missing something and I don't know if this feeling will ever change. So with my new found health I begin setting work-related goals. There are no compromises in their lives. This is great. Went to law school, passed the bar and boom. The most amazing journies always start with that first step. Taking longer to complete a degree isn’t failing - as long as it’s something that you truly want to study. I meditated. I began getting really into productivity stuff. How did I do it?Everyone's story is unique, some have very few responsibilities (kids, spouses, debt, etc) and are bored because they feel pressure to do something else. I read the Power of Habit and have been reading other books about self-improvement. Then do another if you feel compelled. The same way you got good at programming by actually practicing it. And it only took a couple of weeks for me to realize that I could barely even come up with my half which was only like 1500 a month. It’s the subreddit to give and receive motivation through pictures, videos, text, music, AMA’s, personal stories, and anything and everything that you find particularly motivating and/or inspiring. I successfully quit smoking back in March. I'm so sick of our society, companies, advertisers, the media, etc acting as if we're not living up to some certain standards, we're not "making it" in this world. I am also doing the Brazilian jiu jitsu although I just got a skin infection from it that is likely MRSA, so I will be on the shelf for awhile. It is something I struggle with and I for sure have been dealing with low grade/moderate depression at times over the last few years. ... places to eat, and sights to see in the best destinations around the world with Bring Me! They might believe that they aren't. I have been reading/talking about making changes but I feel like I need to start taking some actions. (Lots of happy people are broke and single, and despite what I used to think their happiness isn't always because they just didn't realize how shit things were) What helped me start being happy despite the fucked nature of my life? They've done amazing things, but I won't list them, because I think it'd be counteractive to focus on advances you could write on a resume. 30 is the new 60. by ... the first time in your life. As an example, by virtue of having an engineering degree, a real job and retirement savings at your age, you're well ahead of the curve professionally. Since the physical world is chaotic and full of uncertainty, life can smack them right in the face and bring that back to reality in a hurry. Alan Watts: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khOaAHK7efc, 24 people who became highly successful after age 40: http://www.businessinsider.com/24-people-who-became-highly-successful-after-age-40-2015-6/, Joseph Campbell (Follow Your Bliss): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLKUFYAOoRI. Maybe you want to run a marathon. I don’t see any failures in what you posted. Maybe you want a promotion. Firstly, worrying about how others perceive you is a waste of time. But keep in mind, you may discover that you don't want the mansion, the sports car, and the hot twenty-something bottle blonde; you might just want to be a writer and live a life of solitude in the mountains of Montana, or maybe you just want a nice middle class lifestyle in the suburbs with a wife, kids, and a golden retriever? You're already working on your problems. These absolutely do help me get in a more healthy frame of mind and make me feel less despondent. Whenever you catch yourself saying "I can't " stop, and ask "How can I?" Finding an unbiased person like a psychologist to confide in share your experiences with will make you feel a lot better about life and help you mentally work through obstacles on your own. If you clam up and become afraid, people sense that... That is what my makes things awkward. I've been listening to Alan Watts lectures lately, pretty much every night for the past two months as I'm going to sleep. Sorry for format! Yay for going back to school. So a lot of what I'm trying to illustrate to you is that the groundwork part takes awhile for a lot of people. So it's hard to get motivated to do something. I like a lot of what you have to say. On the other hand I don't feel the real urgency to change, because things aren't that bad, but also not that great. I mean, unemployed. 2. It could have been any number of things at that point, but without seeking, I found it and I'm so glad I did. If you were my son I would be bragging about you to all my neighborhood! I wish you the best and if you like the first Alan Watts video, search for "What if when we die, we wake up?" You are a loser!" Others have kids, a family, house, well-paying job and are unhappy because they wish they didn't have so many responsibilities! Sometime during this period I read the book The Power of Habit , as well as a couple books about how will power works. There is nothing special at all about having a high body count - it’s the biggest time waster and let down. 453 votes, 263 comments. Once you have already decided to turn your life around, you have accomplished fifty percent of the task. OP, what everyone is saying is right. You obviously have a very high standard for yourself and are talking yourself down. I turn 30 next year but mentally I feel like I'm still in my early 20s. Yup bad luck and your view on what life should be doesnt mean a failure. No clue if the specifics of my depression will match with yours but I understand your anxiety, it's why I drank ALL THE TIME. I focused as much as possible on the present moment. The most important thing you can do to change your life around is turn the victim mindset into a winning and a positive mindset. I dropped out of college 5 times due to family and financial issues. I will definitely check those out. So, if you say "I really want to be a billionaire" that's likely not going to happen. About a week into not eating all the garbage I had fed myself for 32 years I really started to get some mental clarity and focus. And yay 12 step & therapy. I will definitely check out this Alan Watts video, and the Joseph Campbell stuff is always inspiring. Keep doing your thing and things will fall into place. Looking back on the careers and relationships that I wanted SO BAD but didn't work out, I can now see that they just weren't for me. Not to get all new agey, but enhancing ones vibration and aura has many benefits. I'm much less of a spaz than I was three years ago, when I was married. You just gotta take it, and it looks like you already have. I'd recommend in the meantime also... Read the book, "The subtle art of not giving a Fcuk". I have actually been toying with the idea of going back to school. I'm fit and my brain is functioning like it should. Lead 11 Powerful Ways Anyone Can Turn Their Life Around--at Any Age If you are looking for a change, you must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change. I do weight watchers). Something like a comedy group or toastmasters could help you with social awkwardness. Suddenly, you’re supposed to be an actual adult and all your dreams seem like silly childish fantasies, and… sorry, I started panicking there for a moment. In your professional career, are there many female co workers? So was therapy lol. Eventually you get enough of these to string together... And before you know it, you are a totally different person! I haven't been in almost a year now. Debt is still a problem. 60 lbs + overweight, total douche bag to women, alcoholic, generally scumbags... As an earlier poster stated, you're looking at this in negative context. Before school started, I used subject prep books to get ready, and I was definitely one of the most prepared students on day 1. You cannot change your life overnight, but you can most certainly change the direction of your life overnight. Working on negative view, I don't know why, I don't believe in confidence. I think a lot of people just generalize that the decade of your 20s is for carefree partying, and glaze over the fact that for a lot of us what its really used for is doing the hard emotional and mental task of developing the groundwork for our futures. You have a growth mindset, you are pushing through adversity. Remember that you don't see most people's failures, because most people will not present them front and center. When you actually envision a future for yourself and learn to "let go" and live life it slowly becomes a little easier; you begin to see beyond the darkness, you're better equipped to deal with future storms that come your way. I still enjoy gaming with the boys, enjoy a healthy dose of memes, and my sense of humor is definitely not "mature" At the same time I know guys 6 years younger than me that are married with kids and live your average full time job/support the family rinse repeat lifestyle Read Daily This is mostly about not procrastinating as I had the work available it's just that I would take days off at a time.